St Nicholas (270 - 343) was a Greek born in what is now Turkey. He worked a lot of miracles, was revered for his piousness, became a bishop and was a regular in ballroom dance competitions. He had a habit of secretly giving bags of gold and other gifts to strangers for no particular reason. He once threw money down a hole in the roof, so a man’s three daughters wouldn’t have to put on the red light, which is actually the basis of that song, Roxanne, by The Police. Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, children, brewers, pawnbrokers, unmarried people and students in various cities and countries around Europe. Given his workload what with getting prayers from those people and all, he filed a formal grievance with his shop steward and got a raise to ₺48.55 Turkish Lira an hour and dental. He had a long white beard and red vestments, according to historians at the Mattel Toy Company. But Nick’s best miracle has been my favorite for 30 years and you’re not going to believe it.
© 2024 John Oliver
Substack is the home for great culture