The United States is a nation of innovators. A lot of countries would have rested on their laurels after coming up with the iconic baseball cap, but not us. Why in no time at all, we gave the world the iconic backward baseball cap. How about bread sticks? In the blink of an eye, we innovated the cheesy bread stick. Hey, France, you got Supermarket Sushi? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Can you name another country that features technical cargo shorts for suburban dads who drive off-road vehicles to The Home Depot on Saturdays? No you cannot. You’re in for an evening of surefire fine dining the moment you hear, “I can get you guys bottled water or tap to start?” How about, “Want a slice of pepperoni pizza, friend?” “I most certainly do not. I want a slice of deep dish pepperoni pizza, like a Goddamn Chicagoan, you oaf.” Some people think our greatest glory is the “1 800 KARS FOR KIDS” jingle, but not me, Man. I’ll tell you what the greatest achievement in our 247 years of nationhood is.
© 2024 John Oliver
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