Consider The Vermont Country Store catalogue, a venerable New England tradition since 1946. The shop, in picturesque Rutland, is owned by Mr Lyman Orton and his Olde Tyme-named sons, Gardner, Cabot and Eliot. They’re not only named for their part, they actually look the part of the flinty sons of the Green Mountain State they are. The 77-year-old catalogue is beloved by grandmothers across the land for its out-of-date flannel nighties, cola syrup and Evening In Paris and Shalimar perfumes circa 1953. Close your eyes and think of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue, now imagine its exact polar opposite. Bingo. The Vermont Country Store has the intense erotic appeal of grannie panties. Or, is it Guittard Nonpareils in a Keepsake Gift Tin you seek? Seek no further. Ah, but, you see, the Family Orton took a very dark turn a couple of years ago and I’m here to tell you about it.
© 2024 John Oliver
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