Certain practicalities undergird all healthy marriages. Consider the following examples at New Bellevue House, home to Mrs Oliver and me. My bride, Leesa, and I have separate salles de bains and her bathroom is maintained much like an operating room in a major medical center - surgical cleanliness, rigorous organization and rigid discipline at all times. To enter the space, one must complete a detailed 10 page questionnaire, submit blood and urine samples and pass a psychological evaluation and a lie detector test days in advance. Once these are done, photos of your cones and rods are taken and kept on file in a heavily guarded Federal facility in Montana. To use my shitter, you waltz in, drop trou and get to business. Still, my toilet is not without eccentricities, as I now explain.
© 2024 John Oliver
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