And One Flavor Too Notorious to Name

Every weekday at noon, the entire Mars Candies marketing team heads to the company parking lot and sparks up giant blunts. That’s how they come up with copy for their wildly popular candy, Skittles - “208 million years ago, from the ocean below, a colorful force with the strength of a thousand rainbows pierced the surface, cracked Pangea’s supercontinent and altered the atmospheric levels of fruity juiciness on planet Earth forever. From this geyser sprayed forth an endless rain of SKITTLES in Lemon, Strawberry, Grape, Orange and one flavor too notorious to name. SKITTLES covered the land far and wide, high and low, as far as the eye could see. Every dinosaur was full and happy, and spent their days creating art and writing terrible love songs”. If you’re in the European Union, I regret to inform you the product is unavailable in some countries because it contains Titanium Dioxide, a chemical that’s actually nastier than it sounds. If you’re in North America, your life’s cheap, so no problem. Yesterday, the Skittles craze hit close to home as I now reveal.