A Development for Spring
How I Live Now
For my part, in the bright Spring gleaming before us fecund with promise, no longer will I consume Lucky Peking fried pork dumplings directly out of the newly-arrived carton with a spork attired in my tatty and soy sauce-splattered undergarments.
[Editor’s Note: We feel sure Mr Oliver intends to say that he is wearing the tatty undergarments, not the spork. In fairness, he did have a lengthly luncheon today. Certain staff uncharitably bruited about that he’d been over-served simply because of his full-throated rendition of Lady Of Spain, during which he became lachrymose. We countenance no such demeaning tommyrot here at Oliver Communications And HVAC Repair.]
Furthermore, whilst striding about my tonsured greensward, which is cared for by our well-muscled pool boy, Raul, to whom my beloved wife is so unfailingly considerate, my dressing gown will be consistently cinched. There have been complaints from staff.
Finally, on occasions where I find myself quite alone, and I fart vigorously, I shall say, “Excuse me”, for that is what a gentleman does.
From what little I can understand from him, Raul is intent on this last point. Though one can’t be entirely sure with Raul.